I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
