I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I came so hard my ears popped.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
