i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
