oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
