wanna go halves on a baby?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
