Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
