It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
