bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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