I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
