Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
