My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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