Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
