Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
