Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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