I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Pants are for mortals
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
