He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm always down for nudity.
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