WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
