hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
