Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And then he peed in my hair
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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