I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.