Can i not drive my cunt home
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.