why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.