It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week