God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES