So drunk its hurt
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba