I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
