Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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