Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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