I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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