my sisters under your porch take her home
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
