I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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