I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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