Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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