I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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