So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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