U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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