I need help removing her.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
