My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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