I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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