we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
