brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Damn victory sex feels great
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
