You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
