I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
