You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't put those talents on a resume
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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