You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
