Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
