even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Congratulations! We have a period
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
