It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
