Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
