oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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