And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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