I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i think my cat just said my name.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
