mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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