Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
