i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
