its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
