I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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