Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
