Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
