The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
