Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
