Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
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apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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