Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
