you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
