i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
