DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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