Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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