I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
