Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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